Friday, November 21, 2003
Please note: Just in case all failsafes..er...fail...the back panel of the safe can be removed using a screwdriver, or, alternatively, your fist*.
*The safe is made of papier-mache you see; you didn't think we would spend actual money on this, did you?
*The safe is made of papier-mache you see; you didn't think we would spend actual money on this, did you?
Monday, November 17, 2003
Thinband - Secure Connection!
The new revelation in secure technology, Thinband's new secure connection allows you total security from hackers, viruses and other things you don't want.
It even includes our new internet censorship technology which will ensure your kids are safe from the terrors of the uncensored internet...*
Here's how it works!
To ensure that your connection is totally secure... We lock your super-thin thinband cable in our mega-secure safe. With a 20-digit code it's totally uncrackable. Your cable is totally safe in our fireproof errm... safe.
*****PLUS*****
We've employed a guard who will ensure that your cable is protected. He guards the room where we've written down all the codes! You don't expect us to remember them do you?!
*****PLUS*****
*And everything else on the internet! The cable you are supposed to be using is afterall, in a safe.
The new revelation in secure technology, Thinband's new secure connection allows you total security from hackers, viruses and other things you don't want.
It even includes our new internet censorship technology which will ensure your kids are safe from the terrors of the uncensored internet...*
Here's how it works!
To ensure that your connection is totally secure... We lock your super-thin thinband cable in our mega-secure safe. With a 20-digit code it's totally uncrackable. Your cable is totally safe in our fireproof errm... safe.
*****PLUS*****
We've employed a guard who will ensure that your cable is protected. He guards the room where we've written down all the codes! You don't expect us to remember them do you?!
*****PLUS*****
*And everything else on the internet! The cable you are supposed to be using is afterall, in a safe.
Sunday, November 16, 2003
THINBAND IS COMING!
Right, here is a message right from the top! Because we here at Flatfish realise that some of our research people are downright confusing with their technical jargon, such as "thinband" and "reverse", I am going to lay down a simple outline of how our thinband is so much faster than any other type of connection.
You have to understand something - the lines that are used for your old 56k modems are very fat. In fact, they are so fat that they look something like this:
___________
| REALLY FAT |
\__________/
Now our thinband service uses wires that look a little more like this:
.
You see, they are SO thin that tests in windtunnels have proved that they move at about 100 times the speed of normal "fatband" (as we like to call this outdated 56k technology) wires through the air - and therefore deliver data to you at 100 times the speed!*
SOON TO COME - THINBAND SECURE CONNECTION! TWICE THE COST, HALF THE SPEED, BUT VERY, VERY SECURE! ***
*Not necessarily true, see the thinband "Technical Stuff, You Don't Need To Look At This Jargon" manual for more accurate details**
**Actually, don't.
***Disclaimer: Exaggerations may occur.
Right, here is a message right from the top! Because we here at Flatfish realise that some of our research people are downright confusing with their technical jargon, such as "thinband" and "reverse", I am going to lay down a simple outline of how our thinband is so much faster than any other type of connection.
You have to understand something - the lines that are used for your old 56k modems are very fat. In fact, they are so fat that they look something like this:
___________
| REALLY FAT |
\__________/
Now our thinband service uses wires that look a little more like this:
.
You see, they are SO thin that tests in windtunnels have proved that they move at about 100 times the speed of normal "fatband" (as we like to call this outdated 56k technology) wires through the air - and therefore deliver data to you at 100 times the speed!*
SOON TO COME - THINBAND SECURE CONNECTION! TWICE THE COST, HALF THE SPEED, BUT VERY, VERY SECURE! ***
*Not necessarily true, see the thinband "Technical Stuff, You Don't Need To Look At This Jargon" manual for more accurate details**
**Actually, don't.
***Disclaimer: Exaggerations may occur.
Friday, November 07, 2003
And naturally, its only available in a small town in north wales called [unpronounceable syllable] [unpronounceable syllable].
Flatfish ThinBand - You know you dont want it!
(but we're still going to put hundreds of adverts on the TV which fail to mention the unavailability. Purely by accident of course.)
Flatfish ThinBand - You know you dont want it!
(but we're still going to put hundreds of adverts on the TV which fail to mention the unavailability. Purely by accident of course.)
Along with more spelling mistakes than ever before!
Thursday, November 06, 2003
On another note, please welcome our first member: Loco!
Please be kind to him, the rest of us aren't so he sort of needs it.
Please be kind to him, the rest of us aren't so he sort of needs it.
Right then!
This is the first post on our new Flatfish Interlegs (TM) Service Official Blogger. If you have something to complain about, remember our motto:
"Whatever it is, it isn't our problem"
So don't complain.
This is the first post on our new Flatfish Interlegs (TM) Service Official Blogger. If you have something to complain about, remember our motto:
"Whatever it is, it isn't our problem"
So don't complain.
